NOCCC Pastimes

Try your hand at the Game of Life.

It's an oldie but a goodie. Be careful, it's addictive.
If the board is clear, or static, or blinking, and the generations are increasing, you might want to hit Pause.

Test your computer's Z-axis with this joke stack.

After running this test, if your Z-axis subsystem seems sloth-like, or crawls like a slug, give us a call. We'll jack up your computer, change out the z-bearings, give them a light coating of z-oil, and you'll be good for another 100 Tb of mileage.

Think social networking is all sweetness and light?

Want to play some Sudoku ?

    This one gives hints.

Heard about the dead duck?

This one, for some indeterminate reason, requires IE to be in compatability mode.

Mouse Games

How's your hand 'n eye coordination?
Play Red Square.

Move the "Red Square", avoid the Evil Blue Dive Bombers. There are three speeds - Low to High - Orville Wright, Jimmy Doolittle, and Chuck Yeager.
(Each flew a different speed aircraft.) Watch out for those walls. You will  be timed for how long you can survive without getting shot down or crashing into any of the walls.

And don't get the dreaded "mouse paw" while working the stick. Good Luck.

For more hand 'n eye coordination, try the old Pong Game written for Javascript. Click here. It's the single-player version. You're playing against "The Machine". Have no fear, it's not invincible. The first one, YOU or The Machine, to bounce the soccer ball off the opponent's backboard 10 times is the winner.

PONG was the first video game. And so it gets its rightful place of honor in our page. It will also have a place of honor in our planned Museum of Ancient Equipment and Software. Younger gamers probably never heard of it, and middle-age players are probably tired of it. But old folks still need the hand and eye coordination exercise that it gives..

Note-Note-Note! Pong works fine in Internet Explorer 9 in Windows 7 - Compatibility View ON, regardless of whether using a desktop or laptop. Pong also plays fine in Mozilla Firefox and Safari. But Windows XP doesn't support IE-9, only IE-8. IE 8 doesn't play the pong game correctly.
Even in Compatibility Mode. Click here for more on what the Compatibility Mode for IE is.


Social Networking.
Smart phone preference.
Joke Tina's Computer

Social Wisdom

A little technical humor . . . very little
A story about a dead duck. This one is very medical-technical. Click here unless you've heard it.

Is my duck really dead? A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something." The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150."

I was visiting my son and daughter-in-law last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper. 'This is the 21st century, old man,' he said. 'We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, you can borrow my iPad.'

I can tell you, that bloody fly never knew what hit it...
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have? Customer: A white one...

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out. Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button? Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck. Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note. Customer: No, wait a minute. I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry...

Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen. Customer: Your left or my left?

Tech support: Good day. How may I help you? Male customer: Hello... I can't print. Tech support: Would you click on ’start’ for me and.... Customer: Listen pal, don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer’. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it.

Customer: I have problems printing in red. Tech support: Do you have a color printer? Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.

Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am? Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore. Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer? Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer. Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back. Customer: OK Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you? Customer: Yes. Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard? Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Aha, that one does work.

Tech support: Your password is the small letter 'a' as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7. Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

Customer: I can't get on the Internet. Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password? Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it. Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was? Customer: Five dots.

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use? Customer: Netscape. Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program. Customer: Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer.

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

Tech support: How may I help you? Customer: I'm writing my first email. Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem? Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the little circle around it?

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. Tech support: Are you running it under windows? Customer: 'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.'

And last but not least... Tech support: 'Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.' Customer: I don't have a P. Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob. Customer: What do you mean? Tech support: 'P'.....on your keyboard, Bob. Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!
For our senior friends, some texting acronyms. Some day we may need these.
Texting for Seniors
Since more and more Seniors are texting and tweeting there appears to be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code). If you qualify for Senior Discounts this is the code for you. Please pass this on to your children and grandchildren so they can understand your texts.
ATD: At The Doctor's
BFF: Best Friend Fainted
BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered By Medicare
CGU: Can't get up
CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center
DWI: Driving While Incontinent
FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers
FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
FYI: Found Your Insulin
GGPBL: Gotta Go Pacemaker Battery Low!
GHA: Got Heartburn Again
HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL: Living On Lipitor
LWO: Lawrence Welk's On
OMMR: On My Massage Recliner
OMSG: Oh My! Sorry Gas.
ROFL... CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing... And Can't Get Up
TTYL: Talk To You Louder
WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?
WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again
WTP: Where's The Prunes?
WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil
GGLKI: (Gotta Go Laxative Kicking In)